My sanity is hanging on by a thread.
That’s it. No attempt at a funny comment or creative ending.
I’m losing my grip on reality.
Flight of the Conchords - Business Time
I loved this video and it made me think of you Neurotic Rob.
Perfect for married men who desperately want pussy…..
This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time! “Then you separate the recycling, which is not foreplay, but it is very important.” Can’t not reblog this…
Today is emotional. It’s my beloved Granny’s funeral and I am sad I am unable to attend. All the more so because two of my cousins flew especially to South Africa for it - just added to the guilt. My mother sent me a message telling me she is ‘broken’ and I struggle to find the words to comfort her.
This morning, I was thinking of how wonderful my Gran was in life. She showed her love by acts of service, always busy doing things for us like baking, sewing, taking us to the park or watching us swim. She never stopped or slowed down well into her 80s. Gran loved her family but also reached out to all of her community, particularly Africans (no mean feat during the height of Apartheid era). Despite her age (92), I believe her funeral will have over 300 people attending, many travelling from Cape Town and the coast to show their respects.
So I was thinking that perhaps tumblr world (you), on behalf of my gran, could make this world a little brighter.
Today, in some small or grandiose way, show your love by doing an act of kindness. It could be something simple like letting someone who is in hurry go before you at the check out, visiting an elderly relative or paying someone a compliment.
If you are able to do this, I thank you and if you blog about it, please tag me.
This type of kind behavior should occur every single day, but make it a point to do something special today. What you do may seem small to you, but it could mean the world to another. And that’s what’s important.
Because I know you enjoy toilet humour :)
I needed a little pick-me-up today, and this helped immensely. Although, I have to say, judging my the look of the water, this shark has pulled the same stunt numerous times…
Someone found a bedbug on the desk of the woman that just retired last Friday. One lone bedbug (hopefully he or she is alone). So now there is an exterminator here, spraying with “green” ingredients to supposedly take care of the problem. He is doing it in sections, so random groups of people are being displaced from their desks for an hour at a time.
I guess this means I should refrain from taking any further naps underneath my desk…
As a die-hard Broncos fan, last night was utterly brutal. Despite the drubbing, I watched every goddamned second of that game. I was taught as a young child to never, ever, abandon your team when they’re playing.
I’m too invested in the team and the game. My kids have learned not to interrupt Daddy when the Broncos are on. My mood is dependent on the outcome of the games. And this is just the regular season.
The repercussions of watching last night’s game? I walked around in a deep depression until bedtime. Actually falling asleep? I don’t think so. I was so angry and upset that I didn’t fall asleep until well after midnight. And I could barely speak this morning because I yelled myself hoarse, screaming at the television.
Coworkers today have asked me if they need to watch me for self-harm. Okay, it’s not that bad. I understand it’s just a football game. But this one will be a tough one to stomach until August. That being said, the better team won.
A football game can have such an effect on me, physically and emotionally. Really, that’s crazy, isn’t it?
It only took until 8am for this day to be ruined.
I’m out of patience already. Shutting down Tumblr. Ignoring Kik. I’m done for today.
That is all.
Everyday, modern conveniences—microwaves, cell phones, automatic garage door openers and the like—tend to make one lazy and forgetful when it comes to the way things “used to be”..
Well, at least that’s true if you’re me.
No, this isn’t one of those “kids-these-days-have-it-so-easy-why-I-had-to-walk-ten-miles-in-the-snow-to-school” posts. This is a quick story to show how sometimes modern life causes me to lose my common sense.
It’s bitter cold here. Duh. It’s cold everywhere right now. As I was leaving work yesterday, a coworker asked me for a ride to her car (I have a parking spot close to the building; most have to find parking on the street. As the weather was already below zero, and because I like to think of myself as a bit chivalrous, I happily agreed to be the nice guy. We braved the cold and the wind and walked to my car. I pulled out my keys and hit the unlock button on the remote opener.
I tried again. I pressed the remote even harder this time. Again, nothing happened. Over and over, I pressed that goddamned button. No lights, no click of a door unlocking. So, standing in the cold, wind whipping against my bare face, I of course came to the only logical conclusion possible: My car battery was dead and I was going to be stranded at work. There was no way to get into my car, right?
I told my coworker I wasn’t going to be able to take her to her car after all, and she walked away disappointedly. Of course, she walked quickly, as it was colder than a well-digger’s ass in the Klondike out there. I, in the meantime, went back into work and found yet another coworker. I explained the situation to him, and he offered to jump my car if I needed it. But how was I going to get into the car to try and start it?
I went outside into the frozen tundra again and walked to my car, waiting for my fellow employee to arrive. Standing there, in the cold, I finally had an epiphany. Granted, fifteen minutes had passed since the start of all of this. Yes, it took me a whole fifteen minutes for me to realize the obvious.
I can still open the fucking car. With. The. Actual. Fucking. Key. Itself.
I did something that people have been doing for ages, long before remote openers were standard on vehicles. I put the key in the lock. Then the most amazing thing in the history of the world occurred. I turned the key in the lock, and my door magically unlocked. I opened said door, and that’s when my alarm started going off. Getting into the car, I put my key in the ignition and my Jeep turned right over and the honking of the alarm system ceased. Obviously, the battery was fine.
So to recap, I made a female coworker walk to her car in subzero temperature, I caused another coworker to bundle up and come outside for no reason, and I blew fifteen minutes of my life that I’ll never get back again. All because I’ve gotten so used to a modern convenience that made me forget how to use it in the manner it is supposed to be used.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out how on earth I’m going to turn off my television, seeing as I’ve lost the remote…
- I’ve been eating Bambi all morning. In this case, sadly, “Bambi” is not the name of a sexy redheaded woman. The father of one of my coworkers lives in the country, and he sent her pounds and ponds of venison—in about every form imaginable. Venison sausages. Venison bacon. Venison ham. Even venison bologna. Now here’s where the vegans get their torches and pitchforks and attempt to storm the castle. I’m not worried. They’ll all be too tired to make it all the way up the hill to my place.
- Speaking of bacon and ham, did you know that Eckrich makes a deli ham that is wrapped in bacon? Neither did I. I sampled some the other night while shopping at the grocery store. Unfortunately, it ain’t that great. <CUE SAD TROMBONE>
- Because I’m a creature of habit, I can eat the same things over and over again. I made a Crock-Pot full of chili last week and still have some left. And yes, I’ve been eating it almost every night since I made it.
- I think my neighbors tried to kill me last night. They invited me for dinner last night. They served me a delicious-tasting homemade breaded steak with rice and vegetables. I’ve been in the bathroom repeatedly since six o’clock this morning. Sorry to ruin your appetite.
- I actually am trying to watch my weight this year. One of the people I supervise got me a late Christmas “present”—a party-sized bag of peanut M&Ms. I don’t really like those. Luckily, they’ll be easy to give away and I won’t eat any. Okay. I’ll eat some. But not that many. Anyone want some peanut M&Ms?
There’s an old adage that says (and I’m paraphrasing) that in order to earn respect, you need to give respect first.
At work, I supervise a group of six people. They generally work hard for me, and their efforts make me look good (or better than I ought to look as a supervisor). I try to treat them like adults and not demean or abase them. I don’t hold my position over them. I give them the basic respect they deserve, and that’s all I ask for in return.
Now, I’m not patting myself on the back or anything. I’m just trying to type out some common sense here. Beginning yesterday afternoon, I started hearing some things that another supervisor here said to one of her members. I can’t even fathom the lack of tact, skill and yes, respect, that she showed this person.
She flat out told this person she didn’t believe he’s done any work in the 14 years he’s been here. Made backhanded threats to him about his job security. Told him she couldn’t stand supervising him. That’s just a few of the doozies she laid out. None of them were deserved, either. At the same time, this supervisor can’t understand why there is so much dissension and discord between the members of her team. And she’s proud of the fact that no one likes here. She wears it as a badge of honor.
I just don’t get it. It’s not like I expect my team members to be my besties or anything like that. But treating them like they’re valuable members of the team seems to make them actually more valuable. At least that’s been my experience. I like to think that I’m fairly well-respected here. Maybe I’m not and I’m just kidding myself. But I’m not about to treat someone like shit just because I can.
An oldie but a goodie…my favorite PSA ever.
Maybe it’s the shortened work week. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s Maybelline. Whatever it is, I am just terribly “off” this week.
How off? Oh-to-the-double-eff off.
Yesterday I felt like I was in a drug-induced haze, without all the fun of actually having taken drugs. Ad I’ve been more forgetful than my ADD-riddled self usually is.
In fact, I don’t even know where I’m going with this post.
<INSERT WITTY ENDING SENTENCE HERE>
3:10 to Yuma.
Except I wasn’t traveling to Yuma.
That’s how long it took me to get into work this morning. Three hours and ten minutes. The commute normally takes me a third of that time. There was no rhyme or reason for the delay today. No accident. The highways weren’t too icy.
And since the time I actually made it to work, I’ve been swamped with ridiculousness that has kept me running around like the proverbial chicken with the cut-off head.
Tuesday…just because you’re technically my Monday this week doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch to me like Monday is. Knock it the eff off, okay?
Its a very BIG game this weekend. Don't forget the loser has to pose naked with a giant placard supporting the other team.
NAKED?! The plot thickens!
Okay, okay. I’m all in. Looks I will be purchasing some very large pieces of poster board in the near future if my team loses…which they wont. :)
I need Bronco support. I really can’t strip naked for tumblr. Help….
Hmmm…I’m a rabid Broncos fan, but now I’m a little torn on who to root for. I know! How about a tie? Then it’s nude for both of you!
What?!? There are no ties in playoff football? Dammit!
Aw…I can’t abandon my team now in the name of wanting to see you both nekkid. GO BRONCOS!!!
Hubby complains about flat pack furniture building. He always gets it wrong, never follows instructs and some how manages to end up with way too many screws. What do you suggest I do?
First and foremost, don’t allow the hubby to try to put together any of the furniture anymore. Between this and the camping tent from the earlier question, he doesn’t seem like the handiest of men.
So you take over. You then have control of all of the screws. You use the screws in the way you most see fit. If you want a lengthy and long lasting screw, you can have it. If you might just be looking for a short and fast screw, it’s at your disposal. You can have any kind of screw you want, when you want the screw.
Avoid the short, stubby screws, though. I hear they’re pretty worthless and fall out of the hole rather quickly. You don’t get satisfaction from those types of screws.